6 or more reasons not to climb a mountain for fun

Did you ever ask yourself what is so funny in mountain trips? Not professional mountain climbing – this is something else. I’m talking here about peaceful weekend hikes in the mountains, when you take a map of the area on Friday night, you look over the possible paths, their length, the difficulty degree, the special recommendations, then you decide for a 4-6 hours walk which would lead you in the top of a mountain, then back again, in a circular trait.



If you don’t know, you can try to do it yourself, but be aware of the following:

1. The mountain map is not the territory. It often happens that what seems to be a nice, smooth path on a map turns out to be an up and down nightmare in the field, because you cannot go in straight line (unless you dig a tunnel through the mountain). Even if your map shows the level curves, it is not relevant, as you can’t figure out how the path looks like (if any). So be prepared and expect hard times to come.
2. Mountain animals are not on the map. But they sure are in the forests. Nevertheless, when you hear roaring from behind the trees, don’t forget to check the sky for planes, as in such special circumstances, the noise of a plane sounds exactly as the roar of a bear. Actually, every noise in a mountain forest sounds like bear roaring. Be aware that bears climb trees very well, so this is not a viable escape.
3. Weather forecasts don’t help. Mountain weather can suffer sudden changes; a warm and sunny day can turn into a serious rain in no time. Make sure you have a raincoat with you, although you might be overloaded like a donkey. If you are caught by a storm, don’t sit under the trees, don’t stand in open fields, don’t go nearby the edge of the path… Thanks God breathing is allowed… and there is a cure for pneumonia. Yet, be aware that there is no cure for lightning strikes.
4. There no such thing as an optimum group size. Going alone is best in terms of choices you can make on the path (you can stop by your own desire, you can eat when you want and you can walk in your own pace) but it is the worst in terms of unexpected: if you slip and break a leg, then what? Maybe somebody else will pass through over the next couple of hours. Or maybe not. So it’s better to have some company. Then you’ll have to wait for Mary to pick flowers at every corner, you’ll have to speed up to catch John who is running like an engine or you’ll have to look all over the place for Steve, who went behind a tree about ten minutes ago and he’s not showing up. Funny, isn’t it?
5. Top of the mountain does not equal top of civilization. OK, you got there, you are on top. If you are lucky, the sky is clear, you have magnificent panorama and you take some great photos. If not, you don’t. Then what? Then you might want to drink or eat something. The best situation is when the top of the mountain has a chalet on it. You can drink there an awful juice (which costs three times more than in the city, but it is the only brand available and they had to transport it up there). Or you can eat some strange tasteless foods, wondering how those guys wash the dishes, since there is no running water there, except that small spring behind the chalet, nearby the toilets.
6. Going up there gives you a reason to get down. This is the ugliest part of all. You always have to go down again. This makes you wonder why did you wish to go up so high in the first place. Only to have from where to get down? Now you start to figure out that the answer is yes, but it is already too late, you have to take the path down. And now you are already exhausted from the very beginning, so a little bit of tiredness more does not count, does it?

Did you find so much fun in climbing the mountain? Please take into consideration that luck factors were omitted from all above. Luck factors meaning getting lost, being caught by the darkness fall, finding out after three hours that the mountain was affected by a ground slide and you have to go back because the path is destroyed.

If you still enjoy mountain climbing, you must be either a fearless, adventurous spirit or you must hate yourself very much.